Sometimes I think I forget just how different Columbia, MO is from Lakewood. Maybe it's not the places themselves, entirely, but just the difference in the make-up of people. Maybe I put more effort into finding similar-minded people at home. Maybe here I'm just too grateful to have anyone I have something in common with around, even if we can see things so differently.
It just struck me last night, how placid I've become about faith and politics. I don't wield either as much of a weapon anymore, but as something I know and I'm semi-reluctant to share. See, Katie and I decided we wanted to go to Hitt Street, as usual, but we've become spoiled, so we went to see if Barry would drive us there.
Of course, he was wrapped up in his new computer game of choice, so we had to beg a little. We used the, "But, Barry, you wouldn't want to make us walk across campus, in the dark, alone at night" excuse, and then Katie bursts out with, "What Would Jesus Do?" I was caught completely off-guard, because in my mind, some things are just better left untouched. Regardless, finally, Barry agrees to drive us, but for some reason, no one quite drops the WWJD, thing, which I had tried to deflect into some historical inaccuracy.
So, we get to Hitt Street and we're walking through some twisty back hall of the Pershing Area commons and I have no idea where were going, and, to tell me to keep going straight, Barry says something along the lines of, "Be straight, not gay," and in response I just kind of give him this look which I hope to mean, "You're not being very funny." Then Rachel says something about that not being tolerant, and Katie, because I'm now convinced she has a death wish, says, "Yeah, what would jesus do?" Barry starts to say something, but I, in mortal fear have reached my limit of sensitive topics and proclaim that we are done with talking about what jesus would do and we're going to talk about something else.
But truthfully, the extreme non-confrontation about religion is something entirely new for me. I used to be the feisty one who would just not let sleeping dogs lie, but now for some reason I'd just rather not talk about it. Even that night, when I was talking to Barry and Delmar kind of cornered me about creationism, I didn't even try to argue. I remember just thinking that I wanted the whole conversation to be over.
It seems backwards, because I love talking about religion. I love discussing it and poking at its intricacies and reading about it. I seriously considered being a UU minister at some point, but here I just want to stand to the side. Maybe I just sense that people are too emotionally involved here, or that I am too drastically outnumbered to pick any real fights with anyone, but sometimes I wonder if maybe I'm not losing bits of my faith and myself because I am so quiet.
If I'm being silent, am I really just being a traitor to my faith? Or have I just learned to be more tolerant? I can't tell the difference.