Guilt and Innocence: A daily primer

TV makes you dumb and other lies your mother told you

And now for the exciting column where I talk about Steve Johnson's theories about how television makes you smarter. Of course, I did write this before I read his nice alternate universe bit about how, considering this, all readers might as well be sociopaths. Oh, well. Here it is:

Who knew? Television might be good for you.

Bookstore or Grocery Store?

The NY Times discusses the new trend of grocery stores putting a greater emphasis on selling books: Attention, Shoppers: Sale on Fresh Books in Aisle 3.

Bookstore owners complain that grocery stores, like warehouse clubs, are killing bookstores and possibly the book business, too. By focusing almost exclusively on best sellers, grocers do not support the thousands of lesser authors whose books are carried at independent and chain bookstores, the critics say. Nor do supermarkets carry large selections of older books, or the backlist, which for most publishers is the most profitable portion of their business and which often supports their publishing of newer, less-known authors.

Allow mw a miserable, book-loving, channeling-Jon-Stewart moment: Stop killing books! You're hurting books for everyone! Put down the Dan Brown, please, for just one second. Just one second! and read something written by someone who can write.

Okay, now go back to your goddamned chick lit.

G.R.I.T.S.

Despite having lived outside of Louisiana for over six years now, according to this handy little quiz, I've still retained 65% of my Dixie dialect. I don't know that that's necessarily a good thing.

Southern Dialect Quiz.

Although, I have to admit that I don't actively call soft drinks "Coke." Mostly because, since I don't live in the south any longer, I would actually end up with Coca-Cola. I'm not sure what I call them anymore, since Columbia seems to be at the center of the soft drink name divide.

Also, a Sub sandwich with lots of toppings is msot definitely a Po'boy. Which is disntinctively Louisianian, I think, but that's one of those southern things that's stuck with me, even if I rarely use the term, since no one ever knows what I'm talking about.

An Alternate Universe of Doom

Steve Johnson offers a terrifying picture of what popular culture could have been:

"Imagine an alternate world identical to ours save one techno-historical change: videogames were invented and popularized before books. In this parallel universe, kids have been playing games for centuries—and then these page-bound texts come along and suddenly they’re all the rage. What would the teachers, and the parents, and the cultural authorities have to say about this frenzy of reading? I suspect it would sound something like this:

Reading books chronically under-stimulates the senses. Unlike the longstanding tradition of gameplaying—which engages the child in a vivid, three-dimensional world filled with moving images and musical soundscapes, navigated and controlled with complex muscular movements—books are simply a barren string of words on the page. Only a small portion of the brain devoted to processing written language is activated during reading, while games engage the full range of the sensory and motor cortices.

Books are also tragically isolating. While games have for many years engaged the young in complex social relationships with their peers, building and exploring worlds together, books force the child to sequester him or herself in a quiet space, shut off from interaction with other children. These new 'libraries' that have arisen in recent years to facilitate reading activities are a frightening sight: dozens of young children, normally so vivacious and socially interactive, sitting alone in cubicles, reading silently, oblivious to their peers.

Many children enjoy reading books, of course, and no doubt some of the flights of fancy conveyed by reading have their escapist merits. But for a sizable percentage of the population, books are downright discriminatory. The reading craze of recent years cruelly taunts the 10 million Americans who suffer from dyslexia—a condition didn’t even exist as a condition until printed text came along to stigmatize its sufferers.

But perhaps the most dangerous property of these books is the fact that they follow a fixed linear path. You can't control their narratives in any fashion—you simply sit back and have the story dictated to you. For those of us raised on interactive narratives, this property may seem astonishing. Why would anyone want to embark on an adventure utterly choreographed by another person? But today’s generation embarks on such adventures millions of times a day. This risks instilling a general passivity in our children, making them feel as though they’re powerless to change their circumstances. Reading is not an active, participatory process; it’s a submissive one. The book readers of the younger generation are learning to 'follow the plot' instead of learning to lead."

In that world, I would be a crazy sociopath child. And sad. Very sad. (Originally seen on Kottke.)

Post 9/11 Security and Penguins

There are days when I miss Denver terribly. I'm not so sure this is one of them. As Channel 7 News in Denver (the ABC affiliate) covers two traveling Seaworld penguins going through Airport security:

And a speculated quote from one penguin:

The first penguin seems to be wondering why this is necessary. "It's not like I planned to hijack the plane to Antarctica."

I wonder too, buddy.

Book #12: Nonrequired Reading 2004

Maybe it's because I've grown more discerning in my tastes in books, or that I've simply been reading too much so all books are starting to sound the same, but I'm finding myself disappointed by books more often than not. However, no matter how many books I read each year, I know that there will be at least one I love, and it's the America's Best Nonrequired Reading for that year.

This is the third year that the book has been published, and the third time I've bought it. They're edited by Dave Eggers, which may add to their appeal and quality, and are the best selections of reading anywhere. On top of that, they generally encompass all genres: Non-fiction, fiction, and have even as of late included some graphical stories, as well as authors from the well-known to the virtually unheard of.

I love this series to pieces and think everyone should run out and buy all of them right this instant. But I suppose that would take a little bit of integrity out of the title "Nonrequired," wouldn't it?

Columns, Laziness, and Books.

I've had this problem recently, where, since  I can't find a good news event, I've been trying to write about things that bother me in a more general sense.

However, I invariably end up not having enough to say about one aspect of something, so I try to write about two, and then end up not saying much of anything at all. This column is another example of that, I think.

Textbooks, lazy readers threaten good books.

Questing for Soup and Popsicles

Number of classes attended so far this week: Three

Number of popsicles eaten: One

Number of meals wasted on obtaining essentially a bowl of soup: Approximately four

Number of interviews: Two

I'm tired, and though that may come as a surprise to any of you who realize I've spent most of this week sleeping, it's quite true. I got out of bed at nine-thirty today to shower and go to American Government, despite the fact I woke up with my throat on fire and feeling generally crappy.

Jessica asked if I had dragged myself out of bed just to go to Government, a class I'm no longer technically responsible for, and then pointed out there's really no reason I should be going. I'd figured I would feel better after a shower and continued to get ready.

In reality, I felt worse after my shower and have only just now finally dragged myself out of bed. Screw you pollen, or bacteria, or whatever is causing the pain in my head right now.

Despite my bodies constant immune system attacks, I've made it through two interviews this week. One was for a Desk Attendant job at Mark Twain and the other for Forum Editor at the Maneater. I'm supposed to know about the editor position by tomorrow, but the waiting for both is causing me an undue amount of anxiety. I just want to know whether I got the jobs or not. I'm not particularly attached to either one, though having a DA job would be super convenient, but I definitely need some sort of job next semester. Especially since I think it's quite possible I may end up in a lower-paying retail job this summer. And I plan on blowing a few hundred dollars to go to Boston.

I really don't care for being sick while stuck in the dorms. When I was sick at home I would stay in my pajamas all day, not shower, and watch lots of mediocre cable. However, even if I stay in the dorms all day, I have to face about fifty people just to get a bowl of soup from the dining hall. So, I have to shower, get dressed, and look somewhat presentable just to suffer through a bowl of soup, when really I just want to lounge around and be generally miserable.

However, there is only one more day of this weird too much to do, too sore throat, odd week.

And then, if you can believe it, only three more weeks of my freshman year of college.

Cookie is for sometimes? I think not.

It's that time of the week again, and this time I am defending Cookie Monster's idiosyncracies, as well as going on my usual rant about parental responsibility. I give you, the column:

Parents more powerful than Cookie Monster’s diet.

Garrison Keilor: Newspapers have taken a wrong turn.

I think part of my revernce for Garrison Keilor has something to do with growing up in a Unitarian Universalist church. There's something in his demeanor that seems to universally attract Unitarians to the Prarie Home Companion, so when Garrison Keilor has something to say, especially about what will, hopefully, some day be my profession, I take note.

Keilor on traveling in a cocoon populated by readers, has something to say about Journalism:

"I think that I would want to talk about the beauties of journalism and say a word in its behalf, as against, say, the personal essay and the memoir and other genres that seem more in vogue. ... But I think that American newspapers have taken a very serious wrong turn, and that aside from a few newspapers the quality of the product is in decline, especially for the reader, and I think that newspapers have forgotten that their readers are readers and love writing - writing is what people want. They don't want a sort of concept of journalism; they want writers. And writers are always individuals.

"This is what people turn to newspapers for. They don't turn to newspapers for advice and for personal service and for sort of glossy pieces about lifestyle and home decor and cooking and how to bring up your children. They're really looking to newspapers for the same thing that people looked to newspapers for back before television - television didn't change anything and USA Today didn't really change anything."

Further proof that Kansas is an inferior place.

Kansas boasts over 70 capitals.

As much as I would like to blame this on an inferior intellect of Kansas citizens, that's not quite what they mean:

Kansas has a Milo Capital, Catfish Capital, White Tail Deer Capital and Pinto Bean Capital.

Even goose, watermelon, stone bridge, cowboy and barbed wire capitals. Most boast annual festivals or events celebrating their claim to fame.

"Some people think Kansas is dull, flat or boring, but every town and county has its own personality," Penner said.

Well, Kansas is dull, flat, and boring. I would know, because I have to drive across that damned state way too many times in a year. However, if you really get excited by barbed wire and stone bridges... Well, who am I to judge? (From The Morning News.)

Things could be worse.

In usual fashion, I know multitudes about what is happening in the world around me and fail to know anything about my own University.

It turns out that a sociology teacher here is using a computer program to grade essays.

Ed Brent, professor of sociology at the Columbia, Mo., university, spent six years developing the program, which is called Qualrus, and has been testing it on his pupils for the past two. It works by scanning text for keywords, phrases and language patterns. Students load papers directly into the system via the Web and get nearly instant feedback.

How can a cold, mechanical computer comprehend the art and nuance of writing? The program is actually quite sophisticated, Brent said. It's not enough to just throw keywords into an essay willy-nilly. The program analyzes sentence and paragraph structure and can ascertain the flow of arguments and ideas. It gives each work a numeric score based on the weight instructors place on various elements of the assignment.

I almost wish Stephanie Craft would implement this instead of our scantron tests in J-1100. I'm so tired of trying to apply subjective ideas to an objective method, and this ar least seems like it might leave some hope.

Or, here's a revolutionary idea, the school could pay enough teacher's so that we could write papers in all our classes and have them individually graded. Of course, that may be way too revolutionary for Mizzou.

A cute note about Qualrus, though:

The name Qualrus is a play on the term "qualitative analysis" and is supposed to evoke the friendly image of a walrus. Brent said he plans to donate 1 percent of profits generated through the sale of the program to the World Wildlife Fund.

Well, at least someone is getting something out of this.

So, you want to read good news?

Welcome to the first Saturday night of consequence in a long time.

I went to see Something Corporate play at the Blue Note last night. The opening bands were hopelessly sub-par in my opinion, but I've learned to expect this. The Blue Note is a pretty decent venue for being stuck in the middle of Columbia, MO. Also where we ended up standing was nice. We were right up against the middle barrier, which meant I could actually see over the top of everyone's head.

The concert itself was highly enjoyable. Their lead singer was just crazy, running around the stage most of the time, jumping on the piano. They definitely had some good energy. Also, they played most of my favorite songs, and played Konstantine and Punk Rock Princess, my two favorites, back to back.

Of course, as much fun as I had at the concert, my roommate totally topped my experience by getting to hang out with them on the bus afterwards. She even shared a beer with them. I'm so jealous.

However, as a consequence of standing on my feet for five hours straight, I have somehow fucked up my right knee. I've been downing Advil, but it just won't stop aching.

Oh well, Something Corporate was definitely worth it, and that was definitely the best Saturday night I've had in ages. I think in, in the future, I may make a point to attend a lot more concerts here, because they're definitely worth the money.

The night was completed by a hilarious encounter in the elevator on the way to Taco Bell, when someone got on at the fourth floor. Somewhat unintentionally, I groaned, "Fourth floor?!" as the doors opened, since I possess a certain disdain for anyone who lives below the fifth floor who takes the elevator. But what was worse was that this particular character was taking the elevator ONE FLOOR!  This caused the roommate to chastise our unwelcome elevator rider and the tell him to "Get off my elevator!" when he got to his destination, causing Laura and I to disintegrate into laughter. Perhaps it was slightly mean and uncalled for, but if you lived on the seventh floor, you'd understand.

Finding Neverland

I went to see Finding Neverland this weekend, in the lovely Jesse-Wrech auditorium for a dollar, of course.

For those of you who really don't care about my half-assed reviews of every bit of media I consume in my life, I'll give you the two-point review:

1. Johnny Depp is a god among men and I love him.
2. After all the two and a half and three hour movies I've seen lately, I welcome the return of the hour and a half movie.

Now, for those of you who are willing to indulge me:

This was an irresistibly adorable movie. Though I am admittedly ridiculously attracted to Johnny Depp, I am also consistently impressed with his ability to act. There's a moment in the movie when he is supposed to be playing as a pirate with the boys, so I expected him just to slip into the character of Jack Sparrow, but he still managed to act as J.M. Barrie acting as a pirate. I believe he did a fairly decent job of capturing the spirit of J.M. Barrie.

The various imagined excursions in the movie give the whole film this whimsical feel. Perhaps almost too much so, as the movie feels closer to a fairy tale than the real-life tale it's supposed to be. Which is not to say that the movie does not have dark moments as well. Much of the movie is tinted with the themes of death, dying, and marital estrangement. But even most of these themes are handled with a beautiful whimsical sentiment.

This movie was definitely wonderful the first time through, but I'm not convinced that it can maintain the same whimsy on multiple viewings, but I'm willing to find out.

Nothing screams American like baseball, politics, and apple pie.

I've almost been forgetting my weekly moment of self-promotion, but here's the column:

House steriod hearings a trite political stunt.

Okay, so there's no apple pie. And I have no idea what I'm talking about because I know next to nothing about baseball, but at least I was transparent about the fact. See. "Transparency." I learned that one in J-1100 so it has to count for something. Well, that and it was half an hour to my deadline and I had to write about something.

Because there's nothing like gambling to ease the pain.

Now that "Pope Deathwatch 2005" (I will coin that phrase if it kills me), has passed us by, you can amuse yourself durring the incessant C-SPAN coverage of bizarre catholic rituals performed in a dead language with Popapalooza 2005.

Katie, Dave, and I are betting on Ratzinger, but there's also a strong suspicion that the church will go back to an Italian pope.

(Link given to me by my token catholic devotee herself.)

Even humanities students would find this a little nerdy...

The University of Missouri has this program done through the Honors College here called the humanities sequence. It's four semesters of intense study of all the humanities at once: philosophy, literature, art, music, etc. and it also a who's-who of the nerdiest students at this fine state institution.

But I don't think you could convince even a humanities student that this sounds like a fun idea:

Work starts on Dickens theme park.

Here's an entry for the DSM-V: Playlist Anxiety

Got playlist anxiety? You're not alone.

The Georgia Institute of Technology has done a study on how people' playlists in offices affect their perceptions of their co-workers.

Sharing playlists on an office network turns out to be something like a peacock spreading his feathers for display. The researchers found that people actively work to create an image of themselves through the music they make available to others, just as they might by buying a new car or showing off a cell phone.

I'll be the first to admit that, yes, I have judged people on their iTune playlists before. For example, I frown upon whoever has Britney Spears collective works. And the Backstreet boys? Oh, let's just no go there.

However, I am secure with my own playlist. Yes, that's right, I have both of the Dawson's Creek soundtracks and I like them. Eve 6? Yup, like them, too. Lilith fair soundtracks? A necessity of life. Avril Lavigne? Okay, I have no justification for that, but every girl's got to have a guilty pleasure or two.

Another interesting phenomena:

...researchers said people became attached to other people's libraries, and felt a sense of loss when their computers went offline.

This is definitely true. Someone should have been around to witness the distress the roommate and I went through when Josh, the Mark Twain iTunes Mecca, failed to reappear after Spring Break. It was a stressful time.

Spring Fever

Well, this week has been weird.

I spent most of Sunday helping Barry to design a website for Mark Twain's learning communities, and ultimately that project has started to take over my life. Then that night, my sister called and I found out that my parents were in a car accident. Though neither of them were severely hurt, my dad dislocated his elbow and they believe the car is probably totaled. Furthermore, the accident was my Dad's fault which means it's going to be expensive for us. Which also means that for awhile, we're only going to have one car, which means I really hope I can get a job in the commons or Belmar this summer, since only having one car is going to be ridiculous.

Anyway, in other news, I have lost my motivation to do anything. I didn't even go to classes today or get out of bed before two. It's spring and I just feel so scattered. My reading gets half done if I do it at all and I haven't been studying for tests and I just want to get out of here already.

Of course, at the same time, I'm really wondering what this summer is going to be like. It's going to be weird to be away from Columbia and my friends here for three months, but at the same time it may be weird just to be around people at home for three months. All of that may not matter anyway, as I plan on working myself to death at some restaurant so I don't have to play the "it's the end of the year and there's hardly any money in even my savings account" game.

And that, my friends, is how life's been going.

Looking to damage your self-esteem?

Determine the size of your ecological footprint.

Despite the fact that my ecological footprint is 15 Acres, probably due to the fact that I don't own a car and am a vegetarian, if everyone lived the way I did, we would need 3.4 planets.

And I'm well under the U.S. average.

Thanks, Earthday Network and Redefining Progress, I feel like a royal ass, now. Which, I'm sure, was probably the point.

My Departed Fish and the Pope

In what I believe to be a calculated effort to spite the pope, Hephaestus died last night.

In a lot of ways I wouldn't expect this to be so upsetting, since my roommate and I have been expecting Hephaestus to be belly up since about the second day we had him, but because he had an amazing ability to play dead, I don't think I ever actually expected him to die.

What's worse is I'm pretty sure I watched him die, since he appeared to be seizing and turning colors before he settled on the bottom of the bowl for good.

Well, I guess there goes Beta #1.

For those of you who didn't know Hephaestus, you may now resume your mourning of John Paul II, who, I hear, made a pretty good pope.

Yes, It's Back.

Oh what, you thought after that two week break from column writing I would forget about my Friday, indulgent self-promotion? Fear not, dear readers, I present you with the weekly column:
Jesus couture makes religion trendy, profitable.

(Wow, I can't believe Sadie avoided all the puns she could have made in that headline.)

Pope Deathwatch 2005

Thank god for the weekend.

Well, in case you missed it, Spring Break is over, it's now April, and I have survived the first week back at school.

I had a statistics test today, and I think I learned more in the three hours of reviews I attended this week than in the ten or so hours of class I've attended since the last test. Which is really making me tempted to just not go to class and only attend the reviews, but I'm just not that capable of taking those sort of risks.

In other news, I spent this afternoon watching CNN with Katie, my token Catholic devotee, waiting for the pope to die. Speaking of the pope's death, I quite coincidentally sat down to lunch today with my copy of America's Best Nonrequired Reading 2004 today, and happened to start a story by Christopher Buckley called "We Have a Pope!" which is, curiously, about the pope dying and some rich billionaire paying a PR guy to try and get an American pope elected. Coincidence? I think not.

My motivation for the rest of the semester is pretty much gone, but I still have five weeks of classes to survive. Also, most of my money is quickly dwindling away, and I'm going to need a job about the second my plane lands in Lakewood at the end of the semester.